I know that AA has helped many people, so I am reluctant to trash it completely. It was invaluable during my first year of sobriety. However, some groups are more extreme than others, and I would encourage alcoholics to explore other options if they feel uncomfortable in a group. Sometimes “groupthink” leads to really bizarre behaviors.

I also doubt the wisdom of treating a book written more than 70 years ago as gospel. I think AA should be more accepting of modern medicine, as there have actually been advances in the past several decades in treating alcoholism. However, if you are struggling to get sober and find AA helpful, then I encourage you to go by all means.

I just wanted to say goodbye before I cancel the blog

This makes me question whether AA wants alcoholics to become sober, or if they want alcoholics to be too afraid to leave AA so they will become lifetime members.

I think the fear-based approach works on newcomers, though. You’re obviously at a low point when you attend your fist AA meeting, and vulnerable to whatever bullshit people tell you at meetings.

I started attending LifeRing meetings, and it’s been a breath of fresh air. There are many paths to sobriety, and people should choose what works best for them.

If that’s AA, fine. But if it’s not AA, you won’t die if you pursue other methods to sobriety. And I think it’s damaging for any organization to claim an exclusive copyright on sobriety. What do you think?

Honestly, that’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard. And the 12th tradition only goes so far. I agree that AA meetings should be open to all alcoholics, but I’m not going to put myself in harm’s way. Nor do I think being an alcoholic is an excuse to act however the hell you want… and simply make an amend afterward.

Once I took the blinders off, half the people in my home group seemed crazy. I stopped drinking because it was doing me more harm than good. If AA does me more harm than good, I’m going to stop going to AA meetings. I tried going to another meeting, but it was the same old story. The last meeting I went to, I ended up sitting next to a guy who just got out of prison.

I started therapy with a professional therapist after the stalking incident. Emphasis on the word professional, as in someone educated in psychology and not simply spouting psychobabble from a book written 70 years ago. (I’m sure the only comments I’ll get on this post are hardcore AA people insulting me for not “working” the program and trusting God to protect me from a stalker.)

I would urge women trying out AA to keep a safe distance from men in the program, or start out by attending women’s meetings. AA doesn’t work for everyone, but it’s worth investigating if you are trying to stay sober. I’m stopping short of condemning AA wholesale, but I have decided another path to sobriety would be best for me. I’m planning on going to a LifeRing meeting this week, which offers a secular approach to sobriety. I’ll keep you posted…

I’m still going to my home group meetings, but now I can only go to the AA clubhouse on certain days. The judge split up the meeting days so we can both continue recovery.  I hope I don’t discourage anyone from going to AA meetings, however… I really think this guy has other major issues besides alcoholism, and 12-step programs do not work for everything. But at least I’ m still sober.

I know there are some people out there who think it would be fun to shmooze for a living, but I am not one of them! Sometimes I wonder if I have social anxiety disorder, or if it’s just an anti-social strain of alcoholism. I really would rather do anything else, even clean the bathroom from top to bottom, to avoid making small talk for three hours.

I suppose if I’d ever socialized sober I might have figured out other ways to overcome my shyness besides drinking.

I am a little resentful at him, but I’m also worried that he might not make it. The last time he relapsed he ended up in the psych ward because he ingested so much vodka they thought he was suicidal. I have been kind of resisting the notion that sobreity is a life-or-death deal, but sometimes it’s hard to ignore.

Then I had a drunk dream where I went to a Chinese restaurant and ordered wine… In the dream, I thought now I can date so-and-so since I relapsed.  It kind of freaked me out, though, I woke up and couldn’t remember if it was a dream or not for a few seconds. I haven’t had a drunk dream in a while… I wonder if they ever go away.

Now I have a new crush on a guy at one of my meetings. He offered to help me set up a website free of charge, which was nice of him. He came into AA the same time I did, but he ended up drinking again so now he’s been sober for two months. Intellectually, I know this is probably a bad idea to even think about… He also got divorced recently, just like the other guy in AA I dated.

Anyway, I had a problem with the website so I called him on the phone and asked him about it, and we ended up talking for an hour about random stuff. I know I should keep it on a friendship level, but sometimes being sober feels pretty lonely. I don’t even know how to flirt with anyone sober, but at least he’s around my age – the other guy was 13 years older than me!

I told the drinking friend that I met everyone in yoga, but then two of the AA people started getting into an argument over talking when the music was playing. One of them stormed out and began 10-stepping on the phone on the patio. My friend turns to me and says, “How do you know these people again?”

Then the drinking friend and her date starting dirty dancing to the music right in front of the band. Everyone in the band was in AA, but at least they looked bemused. I have been pretty conscientious about keeping my AA life and regular life completely separate, but maybe I shouldn’t worry about it. Although I probably need a better cover story than yoga… unless there is some yoga class out there where everyone smokes!

I can remember everything in the past 11 months, so that’s certainly helpful. I just don’t know if I feel any different. I don’t think my personality has undergone a complete change, or if I’ve had the “psychic change” the book talks about. I mean, I’m sure there are differences that I don’t notice. I did clean out my closet and give a bunch of clothes to Goodwill. Some of the clothes are ones I certainly don’t wear now that I’m sober.