Heading out for the weekend

Day 12 of being sober. I’m heading to Santa Fe for Columbus Day weekend, which will be a nice break. I’m stopping by the 12 noon AA meeting before dropping the dog off at my dad’s and heading to the airport. I just want a weekend out of town where I don’t have to think about alcohol, if that’s possible.

I hope I didn’t sound too irreverent yesterday. I would like a personal relationship with God, which I haven’t had in at least 10 years. Maybe God does have a plan for me. I’ve always wanted children, but now I think that God wanted me to be sober first. I would have been a terrible mother if I thought about alcohol first ahead of everything. I hope I haven’t done lasting emotional damage to my dog, come to think of it. 

Maybe God is like a vampire – you have to invite him over the threshold before he will enter your life. (I just finished reading the whole “Twilight” series about teen vampires.) And actually, I can kind of relate to Edward’s thirst for human blood, if you substitute alcohol for blood. So maybe I will always have a heightened awareness of alcohol that other people don’t have, the smell of it and the remembered taste in my mouth. But that doesn’t mean I have to indulge because it will destroy everything else in my life. I just have to learn to live with unslaked thirst, like all the good vampires in “Twilight.”

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