Reasons why I’m not an alcoholic

Day one of being sober sucks. I wake up and feel irritated at myself for going to my first AA meeting yesterday. I didn’t realize I would have to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I thought I could just go once a week. After my first meeting, three women sat me down and asked me why I was at the meeting. I started bawling incohorently.

Two of them offered to come back to my condo with me, and help me pour out my alcohol. I didn’t really think I had that much alcohol on hand – just rum, whiskey and Kahlua plus some mai tai mix. Luckily, I had already drank the two bottles of wine that were under the cabinet last week. However, as I pulled out the three bottles of alcohol, I realized they were fairly large sizes. I had a liter of whiskey (still half full) plus a liter of rum (almost gone.) I also had a bottle of Kahlua, but I considered that more of a souveneir from my last trip to Mexico. Kahlua doesn’t seem like hard-core alcohol because you just put in coffee and hot chocolate.

Today, one of the women met me for coffee before we went to my second meeting. I told her I wasn’t sure if I was an alcoholic, I just thought I might have a drinking problem. As in, I end up drinking more than I want to, and I can’t stop at one drink even when I try. She nodded patiently, but I could tell she wasn’t buying it. She told me to write down the reasons why I’m not an alcoholic.

Reasons why I’m not an alcoholic:

1. I don’t throw up when I drink.
2. I don’t have blackouts (although I don’t always remember everything that happened.)
3. I don’t do shots any more.
4. I don’t drink every single day.
5. No one can tell when I’m drunk.
6. I don’t drink at work.

I think part of the problem is number five. I’m not loud or belligerent when I’m drunk. I’m just a quiet drunk.

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